onasteelhorse: (worried)
Dean Winchester ([personal profile] onasteelhorse) wrote2013-11-15 08:55 am

an exercise in control (for [personal profile] hunter_returns)

It didn't escape Dean just how fucked up this was. But so was the whole situation, so what the hell, right? If it got Sam back, if it got him to see how that Ruby bitch was fucking with his head and helping him get hooked on something that was going to lead nowhere good... well, Dean could take the fall out. He'd take whatever hate Sam could throw at him, but he wasn't letting his brother damn himself like this.

He wasn't going to let Sammy turn himself into a monster.

So, he found a spell. He hated dealing in magic and witches, but if it all went right... well, it meant he'd have enough pull over Sam to get him to stop until he finished detoxing this time and hopefully realized just what the demon blood was doing to him.

To them both, really.

He was fucking terrified Sam was going to do something stupid, wind up in a worse situation. He couldn't let him, even if it meant betraying him in one of the worst ways.

The spell was cast though and all Dean had to do now was sit back in the tiny motel room and wait for Sam to get back from wherever he slipped off to today. He tried to play it casual, flipping through channels and fought down his nerves and conscience alike.
hunter_returns: (head in hands)

[personal profile] hunter_returns 2013-12-22 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
"No," he shakes his head, curling in closer and just trying to breathe through the discomfort. "Not strong enough. If I was I wouldn't be here. Wouldn't be.. sick. 's the demon blood Dean. Ever since I was a kid. Can't shake it, can't shake it. I'm not right."

Because it was the blood in the end. Azazel's blood that tainted him when he was just a child. That's why Dean was stronger. Why he'd always be stronger.
hunter_returns: (head in hands)

[personal profile] hunter_returns 2013-12-22 02:07 pm (UTC)(link)
He can barely see Dean through his tears, but he let Dean shift him around until he was looking up at his brother. God. Dean's always had such faith in him and he's never been sure he's worth that much.

That's when the memory slides back into place. Furious at Dean, telling him that he hated him. Dean, who's been his entire world for as long as he can remember. Shock and horror flicker across his face and he reached up, curling his fists in his shirt.

"Ohgod Dean. Ohgod I'm so sorry. 'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean it."

How can he be a good guy when he said such terrible things to his brother? When he'd been so set on revenge that he'd nearly forgotten the reason why in the first place?
hunter_returns: (Default)

[personal profile] hunter_returns 2013-12-23 04:34 am (UTC)(link)
Grief and guilt and it's a miracle he's not hyperventilating. The spell helps again and he stuffs down the swell of upset, trying to calm himself down. "It's not okay Dean. Fuck. It's not. 'm sorry."

For everything. For saying he hated him, for arguing, for getting into the whole godforsaken mess.
hunter_returns: (Default)

[personal profile] hunter_returns 2013-12-27 06:59 pm (UTC)(link)

“Yes I do,” there’s a sharpness to his voice as he pushed himself up. If there’s one thing that rankled Sam the most, it was being discounted like that. Second guessed. He’d put up with it for most of his childhood and over the years it had sparked most, if not all of the arguments between him and their father.

“I know exactly what I’m saying and it’s my fault. All of it. I knew she was playing me but.. I wanted to matter. I wanted to do something good with this demon blood in me.”

Wearily he scrubbed at his face. God. His head was still pounding and his mouth felt like an ashtray. “I didn’t mean it Dean. Any of it.”

hunter_returns: (thoughtful)

[personal profile] hunter_returns 2013-12-28 11:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Mention of those harsh words made Sam wince. He'd been angry, furious, and when he was angry he tended to lash out with words rather than fists. Shoulders slumped, he nodded. "Yes. I.. I didn't mean it Dean."

Reaching up, he gripped the front of his shirt. "I couldn't hate you. You're all I've got, all I've ever had."
hunter_returns: (Default)

[personal profile] hunter_returns 2013-12-30 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
The reassurance helps and he settles into his arms, going quiet and still against him. "All I need, Dean. I didn't mean it. 'm sorry. I'll try. I promise I will. Just.. don't go."