He can barely see Dean through his tears, but he let Dean shift him around until he was looking up at his brother. God. Dean's always had such faith in him and he's never been sure he's worth that much.

That's when the memory slides back into place. Furious at Dean, telling him that he hated him. Dean, who's been his entire world for as long as he can remember. Shock and horror flicker across his face and he reached up, curling his fists in his shirt.

"Ohgod Dean. Ohgod I'm so sorry. 'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean it."

How can he be a good guy when he said such terrible things to his brother? When he'd been so set on revenge that he'd nearly forgotten the reason why in the first place?